Dear Sej,It’s been awhile since we met. It’s been a while since we spent some time together. I miss you. Sometimes.. I catch glimpses of you but you disappear before I can get close enough.Do you remember the time when the world was your oyster and nothing could stop you from what you wanted. When you were strong enough to take the journeys you wanted to without any worry of where they might lead you. When you were adventurous enough to take risks and come out laughing regardless of the results.Do you remember when you did things for yourself.. When you travelled and danced and painted and read. Do you remember when you had dreams and aspirations and goals you wanted to fulfil. When life was not just about trying to be the best mom or the perfect wife.Well.. I am ready to meet that girl again. You may think that with the baby your hands are full right now and that you can barely manage your daily chores so how will we have this rendezvous.Let me let you in on a lil secret. Everyone is trying. No one is perfect. Let’s do this together. Bit by bit. Baby steps. Everyday.And very soon we’ll reunite.Until then.. stay strong.. hold on and look forward.Yours foreverSej
I remember writing this letter to myself sometime last year. Motherhood is a 24/7, exhilarating yet exhausting job. Bottle and Breastfeedings, diaper change, laundry, cooking, organizing activities for the child, home schooling and later school homework. Sometime during this time, life passes you by. Mommyhood is a never-ending responsibility. One that consumes all your time and energy. While initially, the child is totally dependent on the mother and his only solace in this big bright world, being completely immersed in the role is inevitable.
When the celebration of the arrival of the new baby fades away, when the excitement of the latest addition becomes old news, when the responsibilities of motherhood take over, is when the tug of war starts. The war between a woman and a mother.
We look in the mirror yet we cant find ourselves.
Often mothers lose themselves in the world of motherhood. Our priorities move from ourselves to the baby long after the baby turns into a toddler and then a young child. We immerse ourselves so deep into looking after and caring for the baby that we end up neglecting ourselves. We are often so busy taking care of everyone else that we neglect to take care of ourselves. And if we fail to take care of ourselves, how can we take care of our children?
Many mothers find themselves at this crossroad where they are torn between taking out time for self vs spending time with the baby. And if somehow they do manage to grab some time out for themselves, they are ridden by the guilt of having prioritized themselves over their children. They demonstrate to the kids that they are low on their own list of priorities.
Mommies! STOP! BREATHE! RELAX! It doesn’t have to be a tug of war! Small things make a huge difference.
- Hand over the baby for a few hours. Your baby is loved just the same by your husband and family as you.
- When they offer help, grab it!
- Stop multi-tasking as if your life depends on it.
- Learn to say no
- Do not judge yourself
- Go for a walk
- Go to a coffee shop – even if you are not a coffee drinker
- Go on a date night with hubby
- Meet friends
- Listen to music
- Go for a movie
- Read a book
- Take out time for that hobby you loved
- Go for a spa
- Oil your hair
- Remember who YOU are.
Remember you cannot pour from an empty vessel. Take care of yourself. Start giving yourself time. Spend time rediscovering the most important person in your life – YOU.