Being a part of the Blogchatter A to Z challenge has been an incredible experience. There are quite a few realizations and learnings I’ve had when I look back now.

• I didn’t want to participate – I had enough challenges as it is. With a toddler and no time for me, how could I commit to a post a day right?
  • Wrong. If you are also in a situation where you have little or no time for self, stop, reflect and step back. It’s rightly said: sometimes taking a step back helps you take two forward.
• I doubted myself – I knew I wanted to finish this challenge. But I am also a realist. And every single day that I lost to personal challenges, unable to write made me rethink and doubt myself.
  • Every time you doubt yourself, instead of asking yourself “What if I cant”, tell yourself “What If I can”. Along with the doubts came the perseverance to finish what I had started. 
• Real-Life challenges – First week into the challenge, my son came down with an ugly case of a stomach infection. All my time, energy and focus shifted to him. Exhausting days and sleepless nights. I lost those a week.
  • But I realized how powerful determination can be. If you really want to, you can.
• Support System – Thanks to the Blogchatter team who kept us motivated. My husband who took over the parenting duties the minute he returned from work, so I could write. My friends who kept pushing me gave constructive feedback and the community which showered so much love on my blog.

It was not just 30 days of the month. It was not just 26 letters. It was a journey of rediscovering myself and my belief in myself.

A to Z gave me a platform. A to Z gave me an excuse. A to Z gave me a reason. A to Z gave me the opportunity. To do something that I had been wanting to do for a very long time, to take up writing again, to start expressing my thoughts again, to rely on the power of words once again.

Thanks Blog Chatter.

The post Reflections – A to Z Challenge appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

I set out on a challenge. A letter a day. And today, with just a few minutes to spare, I am about to reach the finish line.

To be honest, I wasn’t very keen on taking up this challenge. Already pressed for time, with a toddler to look after, forever exhausted, it seemed impossible to me. But as they say, there’s always someone watching over you. For me, it came in the form of my dear friend and confidante Tamanna. She encouraged me to join, pushed me to keep going and motivated me to finish the challenge. Thanks Tammy!

This month has been about rediscovering myself as a writer. I still have miles to go but at least I have started.

I remember April 1 and 2 and 3 and maybe more, when it took me two days just to write one blog. When staring at a blank screen was all I did. And thinking about these last few days when I have written on over ten topics. Some in less than an hour.

I remember feeling under-confident, doubting myself. What if I am not able to write anything? What if no one likes my work? What if I end up making mistakes, etc etc. All those worries are now miles away.

In the last four weeks, I have rediscovered my own grit and level of determination. Deep fire within me egged me on. There were days when I felt that I was wasting my time if I wasn’t writing. All my focus and thoughts were on this challenge which kept me away from harbouring negative thoughts or dwelling on meaningless worldly concerns.

The last few days – the determination of completing this challenge, of staying awake till 4 AM to write blogs and waking up at 7 AM to look after my toddler – have felt nothing less than an adventure-packed, fast-paced movie.

The excitement I felt last night when I realised I was just two blogs from successfully completing this challenge was akin to staying awake on the eve of the maiden international vacation. My mind simply refused to switch off and I kept thinking of what I wanted to write on next.

Thanks, Blog Chatter for giving me an opportunity to feel the zeal again.

The post Zip Zap Zoom appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

People judge more than they understand. People criticise more than they appreciate.

FACTS: I had a c-sec. I had to formula feed my baby the first day he arrived in the world because I had not started lactating. I want to get back on my feet. I want a career. I suffered from a bad case of PPD. I do not feed junk to my son. I do not let my son have sugary stuff. I am not depriving him by eliminating screen time. I prefer to give my son fruits over biscuits. I carry my son. I let him cry it out than giving in. I want my son to sleep in his own bed. I want my child to start playschool. I crave some me-time. 

Go ahead – judge me!

We all do. We may not accept or openly admit the fact, but we all have judged another mom at some time or the other and more often than not. I have too. Yes maybe judged you too. Would you like to know in what ways? Maybe not, because those are the same ways you have judged me too.

STOP and think. Think back to the when the mom you were so busy gossiping about could have instead used a friend because she was emotionally drained, or some help because she was bone-tired from chasing her toddler all day. But all she received was snickers and frowns.

We need to stop judging!

• Csec doesn’t make a woman any less of a mother.
• A mother would rather feed her child formula than let him starve.
• Motherhood does not mean you lose sight of who you are.
• Wanting to pursue your career does not mean you don’t love your child
• PPD is real. It paralyzes your senses
• How I feed my child should be my worry. I don’t expect you to take my approval on what you feed your child. Why would you think I would need yours?
• Wanting me-time does not mean I don’t care for my baby
• I am with him 24 hours, seven days a week. I know how to handle my child in public too.

What is funny is that we are quick to judge other mommies for the same situations we have been stuck in.

Remember mommies, the only person who knows your child best is you, that only you know how to raise your kid. Let’s stop mom-judging. Knowing that you are not alone is a big assurance to a mother’s spirit.

We need to STOP! There is no good or bad way of parenting, only mommies trying to give their best. And unless you are a perfect mother who has never faulted once in her journey, you have no right to judge another mommy.

Bottom line is, we are all doing our best. Just because I do it differently from you doesn’t mean I am doing it wrong.

We are all on this crazy roller-coaster together. Our aim is the same. Let’s do this together by supporting each other instead of pulling each other down. United we stand, divided we crawl.

The post United we stand, divided we crawl appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

I remember writing this letter to myself sometime last year. Motherhood is a 24/7, exhilarating yet exhausting job. Bottle and Breastfeedings, diaper change, laundry, cooking, organizing activities for the child, home schooling and later school homework. Sometime during this time, life passes you by. Mommyhood is a never-ending responsibility. One that consumes all your time and energy. While initially, the child is totally dependent on the mother and his only solace in this big bright world, being completely immersed in the role is inevitable.

When the celebration of the arrival of the new baby fades away, when the excitement of the latest addition becomes old news, when the responsibilities of motherhood take over, is when the tug of war starts. The war between a woman and a mother.

We look in the mirror yet we cant find ourselves.

WHY?

Often mothers lose themselves in the world of motherhood. Our priorities move from ourselves to the baby long after the baby turns into a toddler and then a young child. We immerse ourselves so deep into looking after and caring for the baby that we end up neglecting ourselves. We are often so busy taking care of everyone else that we neglect to take care of ourselves. And if we fail to take care of ourselves, how can we take care of our children?

Many mothers find themselves at this crossroad where they are torn between taking out time for self vs spending time with the baby. And if somehow they do manage to grab some time out for themselves, they are ridden by the guilt of having prioritized themselves over their children. They demonstrate to the kids that they are low on their own list of priorities.

Mommies! STOP! BREATHE! RELAX! It doesn’t have to be a tug of war! Small things make a huge difference.

• Hand over the baby for a few hours. Your baby is loved just the same by your husband and family as you.
• When they offer help, grab it!
• Stop multi-tasking as if your life depends on it.
• Learn to say no
• Do not judge yourself
• Go for a walk
• Exercise
• Meditate
• Go to a coffee shop – even if you are not a coffee drinker
• Go on a date night with hubby
• Meet friends
• Listen to music
• Go for a movie
• Read a book
• Sleep
• Take out time for that hobby you loved
• Go for a spa
• Oil your hair
• Remember who YOU are.

Remember you cannot pour from an empty vessel. Take care of yourself. Start giving yourself time. Spend time rediscovering the most important person in your life – YOU.

The post Why YOU Matters appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

Sharing with you all the three R’s, the basic values we are trying to inculcate in our son from early on

Respect: Respect for everyone regardless of age, gender or profession. To raise a kind and compassionate child, they need to treat everyone with the same amount of respect. They need to see you doing the same.

• We do not yell or scream at each other. Anytime Rey raises his volume to gain attention, we simply request him (in a calm tone) to speak gently and the minute he does it, we acknowledge with a response.
• Anytime, anyone comes knocking on the door – be it the sweeper or the courier guy or our house help, we ensure to thank them for their help. If Rey is around when they arrive, we ask him too to say Thank You to them for helping us out.
• We ensure we and Rey say hi or jai to people we meet, from relatives to neighbors to society guards. There are times when he is not in the mood to do so, then we wait a few minutes, let him get comfortable and request again.
• Our day starts with a prayer and thanking the almighty for all that we have.
• Watering the plants – not plucking flowers or leaves – teaches him to respect nature
• Be compassionate towards animals – it helps that we have extended family who have pets at home.

Be Responsible – A child who learns to take care of himself and his belongings turns out to be a more responsible and self-disciplined human being. It’s easy to get swayed by the love we have for our children and pamper them. However, it is also important to realize that always picking up after your child is not the only way to show love.

• Small things like not relying on the house-help or nanny to do your work goes a long way. We encourage Rey to keep his dishes in the sink. He does so many times, though it is usually accompanied by a loud noise (he does a basketball throw as he isn’t tall enough to reach the sink yet)
• Recently (maybe 2 months now), I got wall shelves installed in Rey’s play room. It not only helps me keep his toys and books organized, it also serves another purpose. Everytime Rey asks for a new book to read or another toy to play with, I make him hand me the one he was playing with. I explain to him that I’ll keep the toy (one he is not playing with any longer) back before I give him the new one. Now whenever Rey wants a new toy, he himself hands over the old one and asks me to “peep it bat” translated from toddler lingo – its, yes, Keep It Back.
• Don’t let them take the easy route out. I do not jump to help Rey whenever I see he needs help. Let the child make an effort.
• Many more examples – bottom line, they will do as they teach them to do.

Relationships – Families that value each other, stay together. We are living in the times when people are more concerned about themselves than others, neighbours kill each other over parking slots, even families shatter and break at the most trivial of issues, it is important to keep your close ones close. Teach the children to value and respect family. And this can happen only if you speak positively about family members to them.

• We ensure Rey spends time with family as and when possible. We take him to his Nani-Nanu’s (maternal grandparents) house at least twice or thrice in a month which includes a short stay as well.
• He spends quality time with his uncles and aunts and we try and meet them often. He is as fond of them as they are of him.
• He is an only child and we try to get Rey to meet and spend time with his big bro #Keebomiester and baby bro (cousins). Being children, they bond well and we hope we can keep this bond as strong once they grow up.

It is said that by the time a child is 5 or 6 years old, they start differentiating between right and wrong. They look up to their parents (who play a dominant role in modeling the child’s personality) and follow in their footsteps.

Children see, children do. I  do not tire of quoting this line. Children emulate what their parents and family members do. So as a child’s biggest influencers, we need to practice what we preach to our children.

I would love to know what are the basic human values you swear by? How are you teaching them to your children?

The post Inculcating Values In Children appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

Along with joy and happiness, parenthood also brings in a level of responsibility. It’s not easy for the parents to hand over their little one to strangers and is equally unsettling for the child to step away from the security of the environment he has known forever. While a part of us, as parents, is excited about this new chapter in our child’s life, a huge part of us is anxious about handing them over to strangers. But its inevitable.. isn’t it?

Choosing a playschool requires you to invest time and energy. With Rey turning two in December, we knew we had to start doing our homework on schools soon. We started with scouting for play schools in our part of town.

Here’s how we filtered and short-listed a playschool for Rey.

Testimonials and reviews speak volumes about a school’s reputation. We asked our family & friends, checked social media thoroughly for anything which was not acceptable.

Location & distance: something close and easily accessible. Distance also plays a major role. Look for a playschool which is in your vicinity so that it is convenient to reach your child whenever needed. Make sure the location is also strategic and has a better surrounding, for example, no stagnant water bodies around that can lead to diseases, etc.

Security (guarded gates) + Safety (fenced stairs, furniture, toddler proofing): Ensuring CCTV coverage doesn’t guarantee a safe environment but it does help. Pay a visit to the playschool before enrolling your toddler to inspect and satisfy yourself.

Hygiene (including kitchen & washrooms) in and around the school: Children will be spending a considerable amount of time at the playschool (especially if you opt for day boarding too). It is essential that the playschool maintains a hygienic environment for the children o flourish in. Do not miss the toilets.

Learning methodologies & academia: Another important factor is to consider the school’s philosophy and the overall approach towards learning. There are different methodologies playschools follow:

• The Montessori Method – (an approach I have been using with Rey at home too)
• The Reggio Emilia Approach
• The Waldorf Approach
• The HighScope Approach
• Rudolf Steiner Approach

And many more.

 Curriculum + Extracurricular activities + exposure: Check the curriculum the school follows (it should not be draining for the child). Playschool, after all, is about playing and learning. Another important factor is the extracurricular activities like singing, dancing, painting etc. There should be room to just relax as well.

Student – teacher+helper ratio: One of the most important factors. Enquire about the student to teacher ratio so that your child gets proper attention. The fewer children a teacher is in charge for, the better for the child as he will receive more attention and time from his teacher. No matter how efficient, a teacher cannot run a classroom effectively and give the kids the attention they deserve running after 20 kids. Also, check for the school’s helpers ratio and involvement. They help with activities like toilet trips and feeding themselves and moving around the school premises.

Infrastructure + facilities: It helps if the playschool is on the ground floor. With so many children moving around, stairs become a threat to their safety. Check if the school has baby gates installed at every stairs entrance and exit.

Developmental milestones and observation sharing with parents: ANother important factor to consider. SOme playschools have a quarterly reporting system. I personally feel quarterly is too late especially at this stage where the child is in a constant learning phase. Ask the school how often the school shares your child’s development.

The probability of future absorption in higher classes: It is always a plus point as it will relieve you from the hassle of looking for a formal school a year later.

Fee structure: This may be the easiest factor. Get a list of affordable schools that suit your pocket and budget.

In addition to the above, another point to consider (even more than the above points) is to understand your child. Is the school’s approach aligned with your child’s personality? Take your child along for a visit. It will be good to see how your child responds to the environment, the teachers, and the school. Observing your child in the school’s environment will give you an idea whether the school and the child will be a good fit for each other.

Most importantly, trust your instincts. Do not get dazzled by the fancy equipment or play zones or a gleaming building. Don’t depend on the numbers they share of fooled by the marketing strategies they deploy. Pay multiple visits if required. Visit during school hours to get a true picture.

It is, after all, the place where your child’s personality will start getting honed.

What points did you consider when you chose a playschool perfect for your child?

Hope these points and tips will help you make an informed decision. Wish you all the best!

The post The Perfect Playschool appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

Well, it is a personal choice. Parenting is personal. I try not to judge parents who allow too much screen time, having said that it’s not something I appreciate a whole lot either. I am not perfect, neither do I expect others to be. Sharing with you all today my views and how I have been raising my son as a screen-free child.

Welcome to my world. I am a work from home mom which makes screens an inevitable part of my daily routine. Even then, I have managed to keep my son away from all screens, be it TV, laptop, mobiles or tablets. How?

Read on.

Start.

It helps to start off on the right track. An infant has no demands except for milk and sleep and a lot of cuddles. There is absolutely zero requirement of any other thing. Studies indicate that introducing screen to them at such a delicate age can have lasting negative effects on their still-developing brain.

• We made it a rule to have no screens around Rey when he was an infant. Phones were kept out of sight and he was hardly ever in a room with the TV on. And when he was, his line of vision did not capture the screen.

Set an example.

Children see, children do. They will never ask you for something they don’t see you and anyone else doing. You cannot be glued to the screen and expect your child to not follow suit. Avoid screens in front of the child. This one is a little difficult for those parents and families whose favourite time pass is watching TV or playing games on the mobile or being obsessed with social media.

• It helps that neither my husband nor I am a fan of TV. We do follow series, however, we catch up on them only after our son has settled for the night. My husband watches football matches but that’s only once in a while. As for the mobile, it is strictly off-limits for our son. His father is not a smartphone fan and I try limiting my usage when he is around. I do click a lot of his photos and make videos but switch off the screen the minute I am done. My son thinks of the phone as a camera as I haven’t let him look at the screen beyond selfies and photos. I openly discourage anyone from showing him their phone as well. Well, yeah – I am only watching out for my son. Sue me!

Phones are not a substitute.

Parenthood can be overwhelming. Yes. It can drive you nuts. Agreed. It may even make you question your sanity. Has happened to me too. But all it takes is those weak moments to give in and start the circle. Ask someone to step in if you can. Keep extra toys handy. Keep activities ready. Head out for a walk with the baby. Plan your day. Leave room for boredom

• For the last two years, I have been solo parenting to an only child, Monday to Friday from morning to night. I know how it feels to want a break. But it’s doable.

Habits.

It’s never too soon to start forming good habits. A general rule in our house is “No phone, No TV” for children.

• By the time my son was 18 months old, he would not l̥ook at the TV or pick up a mobile

Hold your ground

Children quickly learn and realize what they can get from where. If you give in too easily, they will only come on stronger next time. Hold your ground.

• Although Rey hasn’t shown any interest in screens, if anytime something catches his eye and I see him glancing at a phone, I am quick to whisk it away and not give in to his request. On those rare occasions or when on a video call – when he does look at the screen, I ensure he does not get the phone in his hands.

Now he is almost 2 and a half years old and even if TV is on in the house, he pays no attention. If there are phones lying around, they are just boxes for him, he doesn’t try to switch them on and fiddle with them.

I have, on days, switched on the TV, put on a cartoon, and recorded his reactions to whether he starts watching TV. His response instead has been to ask me to play with him and not even glance towards the screen.

I realize screen time is inevitable with so much digital influence directed towards kids – from videos to games to educational apps. I will introduce it to him slowly and gradually.

But for now, as a wise man once said: “A child should know how to hold a pencil before he learns how to operate a mobile phone”.

The post Screen or Scream – Not Really. appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

Not really. Babywearing has been prevalent for centuries. Work of famous artists from as far back as 18^th century depict women carrying their children on them. In fact as history states, Rani Lakshmi Bai – Queen of Jhansi, wore her son when she went to war against the British.

Present day too, if we cast a glimpse at our villages, women carrying their offsprings in their traditional jhola (carrier) is a common sight. If we happen to cross a construction site or maintenance site even in the city, we often see hard-working women carrying their little ones on their back and labouring away. Women and even men around the world are seen wearing their babies with pride and ease.

We started baby wearing pretty late, something I regret now. We had bought our first carrier when my baby was around 4 months and sold it by the time he was six months. Why? Because it was the wrong choice of carrier and my baby was not comfortable in it and neither were we as parents wearing it. I am glad we resumed when we did. Better late than never.

There are numerous advantages of babywearing. Happy to be sharing the top 5 basis my experience.

1. Babywearing makes traveling easier. For people who know us as, know we are travelers. We love exploring new places, new cultures, interacting with locals, etc. After we had our son, we wanted to continue our passion for traveling the world. Babywearing made that possible.

• Babywearing keeps my baby close to be hence no fear of crowded places.
• Can easliy manage my luggage and baby at public places like airports, train stations, bus deopts, etc
• Do not have to carry a stroller. A carrier anytime takes less space and is lighter. I’d happily save my baggage space for some shopping while traveling.
• No place is off limits due to the terrain – we even went trekking with our baby to a peak in Dalhousie.
• Don’t have to keep looking for an elevator to maneuver as is the case with a stroller.
• When visiting the hills – like we love doing – it keeps my baby snug and warm
• You can be out exploring for long and your baby will not tire of walking as babywearing gives both baby and parents a break.

2. Babywearing promotes bonding. It allows you to keep your baby close, hence they feel safer. They can feel you next to them, hear your voice, and feel the warmth of your body. Studies reveal that babies who are carried or worn, tend to heal faster. Babywearing means you automatically have more physical contact with your little one ultimately strengthening the attachment between the parent and the child.

• I have sometimes worn my son even inside the house, especially during the days he was sick and we were with no help. He was a lot calmer and relaxed when worn.

3. Hands-free! Which basically means freedom and independence. Yes, since you’re not using your arms to carry the baby, your hands are free to tackle the endless household chores or finish your work and meet that dealing looming around the corner.

• I have carried my son and gone shopping, stepped out for walks, written blogs, done multi-tasking all the while keeping y baby close.

4. Exercise – Carrying your baby is nothing less than a workout. Wearing makes it a lot easier however, has a similar impact.

• My only workout on days was wearing my baby and going for walks. I love walking, so mommy and baby both happy!

5. Keeps Toddler tantrums at bay – I’ve often noticed how my son throws a lot less tantrums when being carried as opposed to being on his own. I have total control over his movements so can easily manage him – and prevent him from making a scene – in the middle of a mall – flat on the ground. You get the picture!

Though babywearing is a personal choice and the discussion around it is endless. While some people claim that wearing your baby may end up making him clingy and spoil him. I beg to differ. On the contrary, Babywearing gives your child a sense of security and comfort.  It has been a boon for us and our baby. My son is now 28 months and weighs 12 kgs (all the more reason for to ensure we pack our carrier when we head out) and babywearing has come to our rescue many-a-times.

The post Wearing your baby – Spoiling or Strengthening the Bond? appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

Babies like predictability. They spend nine months in the mother’s womb, protected from the outside world, where there wasn’t much in terms of change. However, once they arrive in an otherwise exciting and chaotic world, where they are learning something new every day, seeing new faces, experiencing new senses; routine provides relief and a calming effect.

A daily routine helps bring in a consistency. Maintaining a regular routine soothes the child, be it an infant or a toddler, in stressful situations.

New Born:

A new-born, who hardly knows what’s going on around him, cannot tell night from day. Routines are particularly helpful in establishing what is known as the circadian rhythm in an infant. Circadian rhythm is a biological clock or a cycle that tells our body when to eat, sleep, etc. It helps distinguish night from day.

Newborns are too young and underdeveloped to follow such patterns. They need to be fed on demand, sleep when they want to, comforted if they need the feel to, etc. Establishing a routine should be introduced gently and gradually.  Exposing them to light when they are awake, dimming the lights of the room when they sleep, these daily habits can slowly help them differentiate between morning and evening and they learn to accordingly adjust their body rhythm.

3^rd month onwards

As new parents, it’s still a challenging time with the infant waking up multiple times for a night feed. However, small activities, like a stroll in the park, regular daily massage, bath around the same time, etc can be introduced as part of the daily routine. By the time the baby hits the half-year milestone, you will have an idea about the number of day naps he takes, his meal times, etc

6 – 8^th month

By now, you are pretty much aware of your baby’s temperament. Night feeds have reduced. Settling into a routine doesn’t look like a distant dream now. Perfect time to start working on it.

A routine imposes order on the roller-coaster that babyhood brings along. Following a routine is the first step for a baby to realize that he has rules to follow. By the time the baby is around 8 months of age, he or she starts to understand that people and objects exist even when they are out of sight. If the child realizes that he or she will be able to get back to the person or the object, they tend to remain calmer. This concept is called Object permanence.

Developing a routine:

Now the million dollar question is how to get started? There is no “by-the-book-method” for it. When my baby was born, I had no idea about how I was going to manage a child. However, as time progressed, I understood my child’s rhythm and we worked together – baby and mommy.

Another thing that helps develop a routine is sticking to the daily tasks and timelines. Establish the important times such as waking-up time, meals, naps, and bedtime. By the time a baby is one year old, he anticipates the daily tasks. He knows that after he has been massaged, it will be time to take a bath. Consistency is important.

It takes time to settle into any routine, so be patient.

From the time my son was an infant, I had been very particular about his routine. Leaving social dos early, planning my day around his naps, carrying his portable bed for extended hours outside. I’ve done it all. I have been rewarded in the long run. My son is now 28 months and barring his transitions, he has enjoyed a predictable day timeline, making our lives a lot easier. His routine is well established, giving me the liberty to plan my day. He is especially particular about his bedtime. So much so, that he slept through the dhol reception of my Brother-in-law’s wedding reception party, while he was in my husband’s arms, who was dancing to the beats of the dhol with the baraat(wedding reception). See for yourself.

Having said that, be prepared for a bit of flexibility. Even the best routine can go kaput. They can not be timed to the minute. There will be days when they will refuse to sleep even 3 hours after their regular nap time. This especially happens by the time they turn 18 months. This is the time they like to test the waters. They like to test the rules. They might not want to take a bath or change into a fresh diaper. It starts resembling a wrestling match. You may have to balance it out. The toddler will be a lot more cooperative if you let them feel as if they are winning. For example, instead of telling him that he has to wear the tee shirt, place two tee-shirts in front of him and let him hand you the one he wants to wear.

There are different view points to it. I shared the one which worked well for me and has helped my toddler remain in a safe zone till now.

It’s important to respect routines and also realize that you will never have full control over them. Stay sensitive and adaptable to your baby’s needs.

The post Routine Matters appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

Once you graduate, the constant pressure to get married (especially for women) starts piling up. When you get married, the next barrage of well-meaning advice is to have a baby – complete your family – they say. Oh well, alright. And along comes a baby.

The baby hasn’t even started walking confidently yet and look, there’s the bombardment again – yes. You guessed it right. The baby needs company. Complete your family. You don’t want him to be alone after you’re gone. Blah blah.

Even before I got married, when my husband I were dating, we were clear on how we wanted our family to grow. That’s where communication plays a major role. Talk. Discuss. Agree (or agree to disagree). There were two things we both agreed to:

1. We will not rush into starting a family
2. We will have only one child

I am glad that we were able to stick to our commitments.

1. No matter how long you’ve known your partner and how deep your love is, the real compatibility test starts when you start living together. There are behaviours you discover, quirks you try to accept, and a family you get to know. There are agreements and arguments, celebrations and compromise, love and lash-outs. The child changes the equation between a husband and wife. From “two is company” you jump to “three is a party”, leaving you with no time for yourselves for a while. It is a journey that challenges you and tests you at your most vulnerable point. And until the man and woman cruise on smooth waters, getting a child into this world is a risky matter (purely our opinion).

We had been married three and a half years before we embarked on the parenthood journey with all our valour. And even then, there are days when we find ourselves not on the same side of the court. But we’ve learned and we’re still sailing.

2. Only one child (whether by choice or through necessity). Phew! Now this one is a little difficult to explain especially to those who think one is not enough. If you and your partner have decided to have one child, you will find a lot of people offering you unsolicited advice. After all is said and done, how many children you wish to have is solely your decision as parents. Given the times we are living in, and how unpredictable this world is becoming, this decision took a lot of thought.

• We, as parents, are happy to have one child. And as parents, it’s our decision to decide how many children we want to get into this world
• With the way the world is progressing (read a study that by 2050, all aquatic life will disappear), pollution, global warming, natural calamities on the rise, forest fires etc, why would I want to bring more lives on this planet that is already struggling to live.
• Any newspaper you pick up is full of violence, of shootouts, of abductions and rapes and murders. Living in the times of fear. Is this the society I want to raise my children in? Nope.

Yes, we were aware that no matter what decision we make, there will always be another to counter. Sharing with you a few points we as parents often ponder upon before making that humungous decision. A few benefits as well as challenges of having an only child.

Plus / Pros / Benefits –

• More time to devote to your child so the child gets undivided love and attention. Quality time with the child helping him focus more intimately on these relationships.
• Better quality of life. Let’s face it – if only incomes would increase in direct proportion to the family size! The inflow of funds is unaffected by the family size, however, the outflow and expenditure totally depend on the number of people dependent on that income. So one child = more financial stability, hence better life quality for all. An only child gets the best of everything – material things and otherwise.
• More energy – this one is a no-brainer!
• More independent child – without an elder sibling to support every step, the child will find his own footing, make friends outside of his first circle, become more social
• No sibling rivalry
• No comparisons 

Challenges:

• Growing up alone – it depends on what kind of environment do the parents foster at home. Are they around to fill the gap?
• Companionship – We all crave company our age, so do children.
• Sharing – Living with someone means sharing their space and stuff. Siblings learn that lesson pretty quickly.

Just like there are two sides to a coin, there are two perspectives towards everything. You just got to decide which one will make you happier. In the end, how a child turns out to be is totally dependent on how the child is brought up.

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