Once you graduate, the constant pressure to get married (especially for women) starts piling up. When you get married, the next barrage of well-meaning advice is to have a baby – complete your family – they say. Oh well, alright. And along comes a baby.

The baby hasn’t even started walking confidently yet and look, there’s the bombardment again – yes. You guessed it right. The baby needs company. Complete your family. You don’t want him to be alone after you’re gone. Blah blah.

Even before I got married, when my husband I were dating, we were clear on how we wanted our family to grow. That’s where communication plays a major role. Talk. Discuss. Agree (or agree to disagree). There were two things we both agreed to:

1. We will not rush into starting a family
2. We will have only one child

I am glad that we were able to stick to our commitments.

1. No matter how long you’ve known your partner and how deep your love is, the real compatibility test starts when you start living together. There are behaviours you discover, quirks you try to accept, and a family you get to know. There are agreements and arguments, celebrations and compromise, love and lash-outs. The child changes the equation between a husband and wife. From “two is company” you jump to “three is a party”, leaving you with no time for yourselves for a while. It is a journey that challenges you and tests you at your most vulnerable point. And until the man and woman cruise on smooth waters, getting a child into this world is a risky matter (purely our opinion).

We had been married three and a half years before we embarked on the parenthood journey with all our valour. And even then, there are days when we find ourselves not on the same side of the court. But we’ve learned and we’re still sailing.

2. Only one child (whether by choice or through necessity). Phew! Now this one is a little difficult to explain especially to those who think one is not enough. If you and your partner have decided to have one child, you will find a lot of people offering you unsolicited advice. After all is said and done, how many children you wish to have is solely your decision as parents. Given the times we are living in, and how unpredictable this world is becoming, this decision took a lot of thought.

• We, as parents, are happy to have one child. And as parents, it’s our decision to decide how many children we want to get into this world
• With the way the world is progressing (read a study that by 2050, all aquatic life will disappear), pollution, global warming, natural calamities on the rise, forest fires etc, why would I want to bring more lives on this planet that is already struggling to live.
• Any newspaper you pick up is full of violence, of shootouts, of abductions and rapes and murders. Living in the times of fear. Is this the society I want to raise my children in? Nope.

Yes, we were aware that no matter what decision we make, there will always be another to counter. Sharing with you a few points we as parents often ponder upon before making that humungous decision. A few benefits as well as challenges of having an only child.

Plus / Pros / Benefits –

• More time to devote to your child so the child gets undivided love and attention. Quality time with the child helping him focus more intimately on these relationships.
• Better quality of life. Let’s face it – if only incomes would increase in direct proportion to the family size! The inflow of funds is unaffected by the family size, however, the outflow and expenditure totally depend on the number of people dependent on that income. So one child = more financial stability, hence better life quality for all. An only child gets the best of everything – material things and otherwise.
• More energy – this one is a no-brainer!
• More independent child – without an elder sibling to support every step, the child will find his own footing, make friends outside of his first circle, become more social
• No sibling rivalry
• No comparisons 

Challenges:

• Growing up alone – it depends on what kind of environment do the parents foster at home. Are they around to fill the gap?
• Companionship – We all crave company our age, so do children.
• Sharing – Living with someone means sharing their space and stuff. Siblings learn that lesson pretty quickly.

Just like there are two sides to a coin, there are two perspectives towards everything. You just got to decide which one will make you happier. In the end, how a child turns out to be is totally dependent on how the child is brought up.

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There’s no guidebook to the motherhood journey. It solely relies on instinct and experience.

When I became a mother (still has that fresh ting to it :)), I had no idea what modern-day parenting was, I didn’t know what BLW or sleep training was, I had no clues about attachment parenting or gentle parenting, I was unaware of baby-wearing and the evolution of cloth diapering, I was clueless about Montessori learning methodologies, and the list can go on and on.

All I knew was that I had been blessed with a healthy, adorable little bundle who will undoubtedly demand all my time and love. All I knew was that I was going to do the best I could for my child. I wasn’t a part of any race or a competition. I wasn’t out there trying to show “how it’s done”. I wasn’t trying to earn the title of a “good mother” or a “hands-on mother”. All I was trying to do (and still do is) what I feel is good for my child’s well-being.

As my journey progressed, I learned from my experience, I learned from those around. But the biggest and the most important lesson I learned was to listen to my mom-instincts. I confess, when I was a new mommy, there were times when I had been influenced by how other moms were dealing with motherhood. I gained insight, learned a lot of things I had no clue about, and I am forever grateful for those who made me aware and shared their experiences. But there were also times I regretted not following my gut. There were times when their hit, sure-shot formula backfired when I tried it. I realized what my elders expected me to do wasn’t always the right or the only way to do it.

When you become a mother, there are as many pieces of advice as the well-meaning people you know. It is easy to get lost in the sea of unsolicited advice you receive.

Here are my biggest learnings from my motherhood journey I have been on so far.

• TRUST your instincts. It doesn’t mean turn a deaf ear to what other experienced mothers have to say. It simply means, follow your heart. If you feel, what they say is what might work for you, go for it. But if you feel it’s not right, no matter how pressured you feel, don’t follow that advice. My golden rule has been to – Listen to all, do as your heart says.
• It’s not a race! It’s an experience. Enjoy your journey. Don’t let how others are raising their children overwhelm you. Like no two pregnancies are the same, no two children are the same. And hence, the way they are brought up will also differ.
• There is no such thing as bad parenting or good parenting. Only parents doing what they consider is the best basis their experience and capabilities.
• Learn, try, move on. Yes. There will be failures along the way. And that’s absolutely fine. Learn from your child. Get up and start walking again.
• Social media is not an expert. There is only so much an Instagram account can tell you. Yes, there are tons of insta-moms (including myself) out there, thousands of blogs (including this one) that will give help you understand this journey, but only a mother can truly understand what her child truly needs.
• Motherhood journey: Document if you want to. Maintain privacy if you think that’s how you will be comfortable. Don’t get influenced by others.
•  If there is one person you should follow, follow your doctor’s advice. And your child’s pediatrician.
• Make life simpler for yourself by blocking anyone who makes you feel inferior. Without meaning to do so, some people end up making you feel bad. Instead of feeling inspired, you end up feeling miserable. Ctl+Alt-Del. End task. Or at least distance yourself till you become stable.Unless they inspire you.

And lastly, ignore these points if you feel they won’t and don’t add value to your journey. It’s as simple as that.

We’re always learning – it doesn’t matter from whom, others or your own experiences. As long as we do what’s best for these tiny humans, is what matters.

Would love to hear about your experience and what helped you or is helping you stay a positive person. Or what have your challenges been and how are you dealing with them.

The post Motherhood appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

Parents are the biggest influencers in a child’s early age. Everything they do or don’t do will have a direct impact on the development of the child. The first five years are known as the formative years of a baby’s life. These growing up years play a fundamental role in the child’s physical, cognitive and social skills and development. It is these years that will later define your child’s personality, health, and interests.

My husband and I are like-minded in many aspects. We were both very clear about the way we wanted to raise Rehaan even before the baby arrived in this world. He is now a 28 months old toddler who adores his father and follows his every move.

So this post is dedicated to Rehaan’s father. His role-model.

And honestly, I am not surprised as Mr, Husband is an extremely involved father. He works full-time in a dynamic role that requires all his energy and time. Yet, he manages to lead a life he is happy and content with.

• He exercises (cross-fit, muscle-building, calisthenics, yoga, running) for an hour or ninety minutes every day. The brutal winters cannot stop him, the humidity does not deter him, rain only motivates him more and holidays are an excuse to exercise longer.
  • Rehaan can be seen trying to do push-ups, asanas or generally stretching in his own toddler ways trying to imitate his father.

• He reads. From books to newspapers to articles. Being an English (H) student, that habit has stayed with him over the years.
  • Rehaan likes books. Yes, there came a phase (4-5 months) where he had lost interest in books, but its back now. His books travel with him wherever we go now.
• Mr. Husband didn’t own a smartphone until last year. Yes. He belongs to an almost extinct species of humans who are not very fond of technology and had stayed away from it all for the longest time. Even now, he accesses data-based apps only at night for a while before sleeping. TV is for matches only. And that doesn’t happen very often either.
  • Rehaan has no fascination with phones or TV. Because he doesn’t see his parents glued to the idiot boxes. Ahem.. here I  will unabashedly take the credit too as Rehaan and I are together 24X7 and I’ve managed to keep him away from any kind of screen. (saving that for another day)
• Mr. Husband is an outdoor person (we have that in common. Did someone say MFEO? But since this post is about him, I’ll mention only his interests). He loves walking through nature trails and parks and being close to nature.
  • Rehaan is turning out to be the same. Not a surprise as he is simply following his parent’s footsteps.
• Mr. Hubba is an ardent football fan.
  • If you’ve been following raising_rehaan’s insta stories, you will already be familiar with how much he loves playing the game too.
• Mr. Husband is a health-nut. He is a rabbit who can survive on veggies all around the year. He is one of those who would make sure to check the ingredients label on any packed food item. No, he is not finicky, he is simply conscious of what goes into his stomach and body.
  • Rehaan loved eating veggies too. His favourite these days is Orca (bhindi). Oh! he loves pasta too (that he takes from me, so I make sure I give him the healthy version of Pasta in Daal Sauce – recipe here)

This father-son duo is truly living up to the proverb – Like Father, Like Son.

And though there are days when I forget to appreciate Mr. Husband for his support (and there are a lot of such days), I couldn’t have asked for more. He truly inspires me and everyone around him to lead a simple and healthy life. I am a proud wife and a fortunate mother to have Mr. Husband as family.

The post Like Father, Like Son appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

With a wedding in the family and hardly any time to step out of the house to explore, I decided to take things into my own hands. Literally.

Hence started a DIY project.

Resources used:

1. A discarded cardboard carton
2. An old sheet
3. Take away boxes
4. Formula Cans
5. Diwali Hamper tray

Process:

1. Stuff the carton with old sheets or newspapers. You can even use it as a storage box for things you know you wouldn’t be needing for a few months. The box will not give way under the weight of the toys or collapse even if your over-excited toddler tries to climb on it.
2. Wrap a sheet around the box and securely pin it in place from all sides. – tada!! The base is ready.
3. Paint the formula can with baby-safe paints and decorate it to your liking. Be sure to line the inner rim with a paper masking tape. You can put stuff like straws, chalk, pipe cleaners, small toys and any other items you feel need a safe place.  I have used these cans as planters, pen holders, remote holders, storage cans, to store my hair clips and so on.
4. Take away boxes – Once again you can use these to organize assorted toys, puzzle pieces, chalks, crayons, magnetic alphabets, etc.
5. Diwali Tray – The diwali season just got over and left us with a heap of trays and baskets. don’t throw them just yet. I used a wooden tray to store his books, blocks and more toys
6. I utilized the space by the window – the sill, to stack the books he most often picks up.

As a rule, I do not keep all his out on display, some I store away out of sight. I keep rotating so as to keep his interest alive.

This make-shift arrangement is working well for us. And I have reasons to feel pleased too.

• I don’t have to feel bad about disposing it after just a few months.
• I can change the look of the station by changing the cover sheet.
• Early lessons on simple living and recycling, leading by example.
• The height and reach are perfect for my little one.
• And simply put – BEST OUT OF WASTE.

The post Toy Station – DIY appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

It’s the festive season with Diwali (one of India’s biggest and most celebrated festivals) just around the corner. Diwali or Deepavali – meaning a row of lamps, known as the Festival of Lights is celebrated with great aplomb and fanfare in India.

• Promote development of fine motor skills making them more independent and confident
• Explore alphabet and words in a fun manner setting a solid foundation to read, write and communicate during their formal education
• Create an understanding and recognition of shapes, sizes, colors etc through sensory experience
• Introduce the concept of Numbers and counting and arithmetic calculations with the aid of tangible objects
• Help in building focus, analyzing situations, solve problems putting their own little minds to work.

• Perfectly safe for the little ones. Let’s face it, babies put anything and everything they can grab in their mouth. With toys made from unreliable plastic, that’s a big health hazard.
• Wood is a far robust material than plastic, hence lasts longer. So no matter how many times it’s thrown or smashed, it will survive the blow and tantrums. It can be passed on to newer members of the family.
• Wooden toys like puzzles, building blocks and games encourage imaginative play and help children with developing their fine-motor skills.
• Wood can be recycled, so in a way, you are securing your child’s future by not contributing to the growing piles of non-biodegradable plastic on our planet.

The post This Diwali – Gift Learning appeared first on Raising Rehaan.

― Augustine of Hippo

..And that is what we truly believe in. Rey has been on a few holidays in his 20 months, but mainly to the beaches and to the cities. Never to the hills.

What is life if not unpredictable? Sometimes, there are happy surprises too! This impromptu trip happened with arrangements made within less than 48 hours.

It was Papa who penned down our memoirs for us this time.. and beautifully so!

..In hindsight, it felt you were looking forward to it. From the moment we disturbed your deep slumber at the break of dawn to the metro ride to the railway station, lugging you around – uncomfortably, I must confess – in a mad frenzy lasting 10 minutes as we barely made the cut, you were a bundle of joy, happiness, and curiosity.

Your first train journey was no less memorable. Once perched on our seats, the sheer size of the coach dawned upon you. The first few seconds witnessed you bobbing your head sideways, clockwise and anticlockwise as you attempted sizing up the coach. The sheer curiosity made you walk the length of coach many times – sometimes with dad, other times with mom. You being you, slept on my shoulder as the train picked up the speed.

  

Your happiness knew no bounds at reaching our destination. It felt that your deep relation with the mountains goes beyond your tender age. You were like a bird whose wings were unclipped after years of captivity. Your insistence to be your own man while you attempted running downhill, much to the exasperation of your parents, your instinctive reaction of making a ‘boo’ sound at spotting monkeys, cows, and of course dogs, alike. And not to forget your love affair with ‘fan’ continued. A small market with a handful of shops was completely dissected by us, thanks to you wanting to point us to the ceiling fans in the shops. Much to our surprise you took fancy to the cobbled road as you greeted every step with an ear to ear grin.

Given your tender age, it should not surprise anyone to find you are uncomfortable in the presence of strangers. Here too, you defied the norm. You were your charming best, mesmerizing tourist and the locals with new antics that you either learned or discovered. One such antic was the eyebrow dance on an expressionless face.

Talking about you also helped us break the ice with the strangers. The relatively hassle free holiday in the mountains has given a much needed shot in the arm to us. While planning future holidays, we can either look down at the beaches or up at the mountains. Thanks Rey and cheers to many more holidays together.

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