All her life she had lived a certain way. A way that was about to be altered. She wondered how she would adjust to the new life. She worried if she would be accepted for who she was, how she was. She hoped that it wouldn’t be much different from the home she had grown up in. She didn’t have even a flicker of doubt that he would help her settle in. She knew he would be her rock if need be, such was the understanding between them already. Yet there were those apprehensions, those questions which would remain a mystery, the answers she would get only with time.

She was born and brought up in a nuclear set-up. Space, independence and solitude were her dear friends. She didn’t know if she would meet them again anytime soon. So she packed up the thirty years of her existence in two suitcases and prepared for what was be her new home. Leaving behind the only life she had known, the people she had grown up with, the safety net of her home.. Parent’s home as how it would be called from now.

Before she knew it, she was there. Married to the man who loved her. With him. With his family. In her new home ready to begin the new chapter of her life. Surrounded by people she didn’t even know up until a year back and who were now her family. They say, when you get married, you don’t marry the man or the woman, you marry his or her family. And it was no different for her. As time flew by, she became one of them. She molded herself to their ways. She accepted them as her own. They reciprocated.

It was not easy for her. From a nuclear set-up to a joint family. To leave parents who had given her birth, who had held her hand while she learned to walk, who had loved her despite the tantrums and the tears, siblings she had run around the house with, had played pranks with, had screamed and sung with, all this had taken a completely different meaning.  She wasn’t scared of the responsibilities her new role brought in. She had handled much more in her life.

It was something else. She missed the sanctity of the room she was used to escaping to after a long day at work. She missed not having to smile when she didn’t feel like. She missed the peace and quiet her previous abode had allowed her for so long. She missed being her true self. She missed things she had not even noticed in the past. This paradigm shift in her life left her feeling unsettled at times. Almost dysphonic. Her “mom’s home” was no longer truly hers. Oh, she would always and forever be welcomed with open arms and without invitation. But it wasn’t the same. Her new home didn’t quite feel hers yet.

Smile – she told herself. For no one like to see a sulking face.

Such was the overnight transition of the princess to a queen.

You are a pampered Princess only in your parent’s castle. Becoming the quintessential Queen comes with responsibilities.

Over time she learned to look at what she had gained. The man who loved her and stood by her. Patiently. Holding her when she broke down missing her mom, encouraging her when she wanted to add her touch to her new home, introducing her to his clan, making sure she was a part of conversations she had no clues about.

She was fortunate to have been blessed with another father who not only treated her like his own daughter but also pampered her as one. She found a mother in law who was so unlike the typical saas that the Indian television portrays. She found another brother. One who was always there, who would always check in on her to see if she was ok, settling well into her new home. She found a sister, who made the world of a difference in making her transition easier. She had found herself a Joint Family

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A keen learner, she picked up the ropes of the corporate world pretty quickly. From a newbie to a professional, she soon garnered enough experience and appreciation to try for bigger and better roles. She got what she went after. There wasn’t an interview she wasn’t able to crack. She quickly rose through the ranks. A favourite among her audience and admired by her co-workers, she worked hard to prove her mettle. She saved most of her salary. She travelled, she explored.

Soon there was enough in her kitty to fulfil her dreams and support her family, she rewarded herself by buying herself a car. A childhood dream of being able to drive, sitting behind the wheel, zooming past the landscape, feeling the wind on her face (ok.. AC, given the unapologetic weather and pollution in her city), listening to the slight hum of music in the background.

Life was good. She had a loving clan, friends who were family. She had everything going for her. She even met someone who was perfect for her. In a whirlwind romance sort of way, they met, dated, got engaged and married – all within a few months. She was growing not just as an individual but also professionally. There was only one thing left to complete the picture. And God was kind enough to bless them with it – a baby.

She couldn’t have been happier. She was blessed. She adored her baby, spent sleepless nights making sure he was comfortable, made sure he got the best of upbringing. She was termed as a model parent. She was glad to be able to spend those crucial years with her son. Helping him through the formative years of his life.

But life changed.

As much as she loved her son, there was always something nagging her. Having worked almost all of her adult life, she didn’t know how to cope with being at home all day long. There wasn’t a moment to rest yet she felt the hours dragging by. There was something she felt that kept piercing her from within.

She felt caged. She felt suffocated. She knew she wasn’t happy. She could never be – for she wasn’t built that way. She wasn’t built to stay at home. It was the biggest dilemma she had ever faced in her life. But she admitted and accepted the fact.

She missed it.

She missed the independence. She missed working. She missed the environment. She missed the brain-storming. She missed nurturing in a different way. She missed the adrenalin rush that came with each presentation. She missed getting ready every day. Missed the appreciations her hard work brought in. She missed the financial independence, missed growing and learning.

She missed it.

Being a parent is the most overwhelming reward ever. There are things you need to choose between. These decisions are not always as easy or as obvious as the society makes them be. There are expectations. There are restrictions. There are examples. There is unsolicited advice. It takes time to accept your own decisions.

Being a parent is life-changing. It takes time to give up the independence that was a part of you. 

One is your heart and the other is your way of being. There are no comparisons. There can never be. It is about finding the inner peace.

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