It is one of the first things a couple starts to think about even before their child is born. While some couples take a lot of factors into consideration, some want the most unique name for their child. Some like it trendy, some traditional. As expectant parents, we too were super excited about what or rather who was to come. Not knowing the gender of the unborn baby only added to that excitement. Fortunately for us, neither of our families believed in consulting the pundits for a letter to pick a name from, so our options weren’t limited.

And so started the task of jotting down names that we both already liked, asking for recommendations from family and friends, picking names off our favourite TV series (skipped GoT though, imagine Tyrion or Hound going down in that list!) and movies. My friends shared excel sheets with thousands of names in them. No kidding! I am guilty of skimming past most of them though.

My husband and I looked up meanings, pronunciations, and variations of quite a few names. We discussed and disagreed, ooh and aahed and kept narrowing down the list.

Finally, around the eight month of my pregnancy, we narrowed down the names to five. Five boy names and five girl names.

And by the time it was time for the baby to arrive, we had zeroed in on one name – each for a boy and a girl.

I had really, like really wanted and prayed for a baby girl, right from the time I suspected I was pregnant till the time I was in the OT (yes C-sec because my baby refused to let go of the umbilical cord) till the very moment the doc brought the baby in front of my eyes. My gynaec asked me then “Sejal what do you think? Boy or Girl?” Even then my response was GIRL! And then she showed me my baby’s face and before she could tell me who had arrived, I was already head over heels for the little, pink bundle in front of me. That point in time, it didn’t matter what I wanted. What mattered was that I had been blessed. Blessed with the most adorable baby boy I had ever laid my eyes on. And my heart called out and welcomed the baby.

Why did we choose that name? Where did it lead us? Click on the link to finish reading the story:

https://bit.ly/2r2jZS3

This blog was originally written for World Of Moms.

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Leave aside the external factors, one of the biggest reasons for the failure is because we end up expecting too much. I am a culprit too. We expect from our partner, from our families, from friends, from children, from neighbours, from society, from colleagues, from the governing parties, from EVERYONE and that includes yourself.

Broadly speaking, there are two species of this monster. There are Expectations you have from people and Expectations that people have of you.

I remember attending a workshop at The Landmark Forum which made me do a deep dive assessment of my behaviour and how it was impacting my present and shaping my future. One of those introspections included the expectations that weigh us down. And more importantly the stress on how, more often than not, it’s our expectation of people that disappoint us. It was not something I didn’t already know. Yet it brought with it an epiphany of how I was the one responsible for ruining my mood, day after day.

Even Alexander Pope (the greatest English poet of the eighteenth century) said and I quote “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” One of the key factors that helped me resurface from my blues postpartum was acknowledging this fact. Not that I am immune to this syndrome now, I am just more conscious of the fact that I control what I feel. I can either feel let down when my expectation – which was set by me – was not met. Or I can simply not expect much from others. The choice is mine.

The other species – people’s expectation from you is even more interesting.

Some 8 or 9 years back when my parents started looking for a match for me, one of the first questions they were asked is if I could cook. I think those people had confused the job profile of a chef to a wife. Well, such were their expectations from the woman they wanted to welcome in the family. Thank heavens, I didn’t apply for that role. They would have had to spend their life regretting hiring me.

I got married in 2011 and remember the events that led up to my wedding day. One of the first on my to-do list was to finalize the invitation list. I remember having multiple discussions on why we had to invite “family” we hadn’t spoken to in years and met even less. The logic I was given was that they had invited us to their son’s/daughter’s wedding some 15 years back and would expect an invitation. I don’t even remember these distant relative’s faces. Alas, they were invited. And when they approached us on stage to give us the customary congratulatory blessings, all I could muster was a Hello Uncle & Aunty for I didn’t even remember if they were my chacha/chachi/bua/mama/maami/maasi…you get the idea.

When the news of my pregnancy spread and congratulatory wished flew in, also came in remarks as to how I will have to be strong and look after the baby (isn’t carrying a baby for nine months and going through delivery enough proof of a woman’s strength?). How I will need to look after the baby day and night. My husband would return exhausted from work and need rest and “proper” sleep to return to work the next day. Well, what about the mother who has gone through an excruciating labour/c-sec and needs rest for recovery, yet is managing and taking care of a newborn baby. OMG! The expectations people have!

People expect you to “like” every one of their 7654 photos on FB from the same vacation. They expect you to show up just because they have invited you even if its 56 seconds before the party kick-off time. They expect you to have all answers. They expect you to raise a perfect kid. They expect you to respond to every one of their WhatsApp messages.

The examples are aplenty. Kya kahenge Log. Sabse bada yeh rog (What will people say, the biggest disorder). Somebody once said to me that expectations are disappointments in the making. The burden of these expectation creates a false sense of how things should be.

It’s alright to have expectations. However, you also need to accept that they won’t always come through. It’s best to be prepared in case what you expect doesn’t happen. Liberate yourself from the trap these expectations lay. It’s a beautiful journey from there on.

 “Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.”
― Brandon Sanderson

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“What are your choices when someone puts a gun to your head?

What are you talking about? You do what they say or they shoot you.

WRONG. You take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one. Or, you call their bluff. Or, you do any one of a hundred and forty-six other things.”

If you are a Harvey Specter fan, there is no way you would not remember this quote. For those who have not seen or met him, he is the very enigmatic, a little arrogant, extremely sassy, a hot-shot attorney from NYC from SUITS.

As Harvey implies, Life is about choices. From what to wear to work to what to order for dinner. From which stream to pursue in college to which job offer to accept. From which guy to date to what kind of wedding to plan. From being stressed and depressed to looking at the small things that bring a smile to your face. From complaining about what you don’t have to appreciating what you are blessed with. The choices you make define and shape your future.

When I finished school, I had two choices – to either get enrolled in the most happening college (yes, those were the days when 99% wasn’t the eligibility criteria) and enjoy the much-hyped college days or dive into a career and make a head start so I could help support my family. Today If I have nothing to contribute to those “Oh those were the college days when..” it is because I made a choice at that juncture of life. And I am mighty proud of that choice because it gave me a far greater purpose and satisfaction than any canteen get-togethers or college fests would’ve.

When I started my parenthood journey, I made a choice. A decision to give my career a break and head in a different direction. Influenced by factors beyond my control, I quit the job I was supposed to return post maternity break. I could have opted to hire a care-giver or day-care but I chose to spend time with my child (I have deep respect for those who choose to resume work assisted by an outside aid, it’s not easy leaving a piece of you behind in charge of someone else). After having spent over a decade specialising in my field and finally reaching a meaningful place (with all the time, energy and effort put in), I decided to take a sabbatical so I could spend these crucial few years raising my son. It, by far, has been the toughest decision (more on that later). And also the most rewarding one too.

Those were my choices, my decisions. Even if there were external factors influencing or governing my situation, it was still me who decided what I wanted to do.

Everything you do and don’t do defines what your tomorrow will look like.  The choice you make will be responsible for the action you take. And your actions will, in turn, lead to the results and the outcomes. Whatever you decide will have consequences. In short – your future.

Life is not a bed of roses and there will be times you will come across situations which are difficult. There will be obstacles along the way. You can either choose to use those obstacles as stepping stones to forge ahead or you take them as a sign of a dead end and give up on your journey. The most successful people are those who make a choice to face those challenges head-on.

The only choice people don’t have is to go back and change the choices they made in the past.

Choose wisely.

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Mr. Einstein explained a very crucial lesson of life in the simplest of words. However, it is one of the hardest things to achieve in this day and era.

Before we delve into deeper aspects of this very simple life fundamental, let me get this question out-of-the-way. What is Balance?

Of all the definitions I’ve read of the term, the one that most resonated with my perception was “a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.”

Let’s face it. Life can be overwhelming at times and possesses a special knack for throwing even the toughest, the strongest of us off-balance. It’s in those moments we realise how much we take for granted.
From an ambitious, corporate minion to an over-exhausted mother, it’s been quite a journey for me too. From spending hours working on complex reports and Marimekkos, to spending sleepless nights as a new mommy, there have been plenty of times when I wanted to give up. However, that’s not always a choice that we have.

During my stint in the corporate world, I remember (with regret now) the countless hours I spent post work glued to my workstation. Home had become a bed and breakfast. Family had become mere acquaintances. Such was the fiery ambition in me to rise the ranks (which I did too). It took a couple of health setbacks to make me realise the more important things in life. All because I lacked the much talked about “work-life balance”.

Is a setback necessary for an epiphany to happen? Of course not.

So what kind of Balancing Act am referring to?

It is the Equilibrium, the state when one doesn’t feel torn or pushed or cornered in one direction. It is when one is able to devote as much energy, time or attention as is required without neglecting the other aspects of life.
The golden word is Balance. Something you have to find for yourself. Something even Google can’t help you with.

Set your priorities. The time you spent today is not going to come back. Ask yourself if it was well-spent. Know when to say No. You don’t have to take all the responsibilities. Assess your plate. Don’t let your responsibilities weigh you down. Take breaks. Be it professional or personal, time away from routine is healthy. Me-time and time spent rejuvenating is not a waste. It is, in fact, an investment into a happier tomorrow. A happy mind makes a happy home. Know when to stop. Its often the most difficult yet rewarding step.

As Peter Latham once said “Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right measure of himself and holds a just balance between what he can acquire and what he can use.”

Balance = Equilibrium = Stability = Strength.

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There was a time I loved writing. Penning down my thoughts – either through real-life incidents or fictional tales was how I expressed myself. Over the years, however, I’ve lost that part of me. Caught up in the corporate rat race and then the maddening frenzy that surrounds a new mother’s life made me all but forget how important and essential writing was to me for my survival. The only writing I did during the last decade of my life were Business Reviews, mundane reports and short posts to document my motherhood. Today I am making a promise to myself to revive the writer in me.

There was a time I loved reading. Reading was an important part of my day. Now all I read are recipes for my toddler and Instagram posts. It’s time to change that too. Today I am making a promise to myself to read at least 12 books this year. (being realistic. I’d rather under-promise and over-deliver, even if it is to myself)

There was a time I loved to paint and sketch and doodle. Now all I paint are pretty pictures in my head about the time when I will do everything I loved once again. Today I promise that I will paint/sketch/draw/doodle at least one piece per month.

There was a time I used to love watching TV series. It’s been weeks since I switched on the TV and watched anything. Today I promise that I will reacquaint with the Idiot box. This one is purely for entertainment purpose!

Jokes apart.. there are a lot of things I want to promise to myself. But at the same time, I realize that my foremost responsibility as of now lies in taking care of the soul I have been blessed with. Looking after and raising my son to be a good and healthy human is a promise that takes precedence over everything else. So along with helping my son take baby steps towards who he’ll become, I also need to take those baby steps towards rediscovering myself. To keep the promises I’ve made to myself. It’s all about finding an equilibrium. A Balance.

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